A glance backward
by tanteigirl
Summary: Ten years ago immortality turned them apart, but now life will bring them together again. Just this once. KaiShin


_Hello there^^ This time I bring you a one-shot. Hope you enjoy it._

_Summary: Ten years ago immortality turned them apart, but now life will bring them together again. Just this once._

_Disclaimer: Either Shinichi or Kaito belong to me._

* * *

Shinichi was tired. He had spent all day working on a case in Nerima. It had all started with a murder in Beika, which had lead to traces of order murders around Tokyo. In the end, Shinichi had anticipated the location of the last attack and, fortunately, they had caught the criminal before he could injure someone else. The stupid bastard had been killing all his crushes from high-school. The damaged man hadn't found love later in his life and had started coming back for them, killing the women when they turned him down.

He rested his head against the back of the seat of the train and closed his eyes. He had left his car at the headquarters in Beika and when the case had ended, his partners were about to leave for another one. Shinichi decided it had been too much for him and decided to go home by himself. If the case was too difficult, they would call him. In addition, he had promised he would be home by dinner and he didn't want to make Ran angry.

He opened his eyes and started observing the rest of the passengers in the compartment. There was a middle-aged woman, holding a sleeping child in her arms. She was looking through the window. An old man was sleeping a few meters from him, a cane resting in his lap. In front of Shinichi there was a young man wearing a cap low over his face. The boy had earphones on and he was bowing his head to the sound of the music, while long delicate fingers followed the rhythm tapping on his right leg. Shinichi got curious about this person, feeling something… familiar maybe? So he eyed him again, more scrupulously this time. The young man froze. He stopped bowing his head and his fingers stood in middle-air to his leg. He breathed deeply, Shinichi noticed, and lowered his head,before continuing his earlier activities as if he hadn't had that 'collapse' moment.

Shinichi frowned and thought of that strange behavior. Maybe he had felt him eyeing him and had put him uncomfortable? Weird, he had just glanced at him. Whatever. Shinichi put himself deeper in the seat and closed his eyes again.

* * *

The young man came back to himself just in the moment he had to go off the train. He stood up quickly and exited it, not without checking _that_ seat after. Empty. When had he left the train? Anyway, it was a relief. Otherwise it would have been a problem, a very uncomfortable one. He sighed and started walking towards the exit under the sign which read 'Ekoda Station'. Today it was ten years from then, and lamely for him, this was a pathetic and inevitable routine. Some minutes later, he got to the place he was going to. The clock tower still stood there, immense and stunning.

Their last encounter had been here. In his mind instantly flowed images of that night. Shoots, shouts, screams, the police, the deaths. That useless piece of glass glowing red in the moonlight. He remembered the pain of the bullet in his chest in the same time he saw the comet flying over him. He had felt so invincible, so young and so strong, so fucking in love. He had imagined his life to always be like that, in the paradise he was living. How wrong he had been. He had been so stupid. He had been so frightened. The memory of that night was something he wanted to erase, to take back, but at the same time, he clung to it, fearing it would fade away.

He took his cap off and violently threw it against the soft grass. It had been here when he had lost all his hopes. And it had been here when he had earned them also. He guarded so many memories of this place. He would never let them go. He could _never_ let them go.

"I knew it was you," a soft, masculine voice stated behind him.

Kaito's body froze, his knees trembled and his eyes opened as wide as plates. That voice. So he had recognized him. His fears, his dreams, his desires. Everything he wanted to avoid was standing there, a meter away from him. And he couldn't let himself face him. He visualized his options. He didn't have any costumes with him. Shit. Well, he could run. Certainly he would be able to escape, while Shinichi was fast, he wouldn't be able to catch him. _Not then, less now_.

No, no. He wasn't a coward. Kaito sighed, and closed his hands in fists and extended his fingers twice, before he turned around to face his long friend and counterpart. "Hi." _Poker face_, he told himself. A grin plastered on his face, his eyes were shining against the moonlight. He couldn't change the fact that he felt nauseated though. "It's been a while, huh?"

"Ten years," the matured voice of Shinichi Kudou answered.

He felt a sting in his stomach and his heart skipped a beat. Shinichi was tall and thin as always, but his shoulders were a little wider and his features a little more prominent. His gaze was intense as ever, and he lost himself there a few seconds or maybe minutes, without his own knowledge or permission. He felt a knife being sunk into his lungs, making it impossible for him to breathe. He wanted to cry out loud. He was envious. No, no. He felt alone. It made him sick to see him like this. Feeling like he didn't have anything. And in fact, everything he needed was in front of him, just ten years apart. He wasn't jealous of him, no way. He was jealous of _her_, because she was able to have him.

"Do you always come here?" Shinichi said breaking the silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence. It had never been when it happened between them. It was just another moment they shared. But this time was different. They both knew it. Because the silence they once shared couldn't be brought back, couldn't be lived again. Long ago, it had been the silence they had shared in looks, in embraces, between laughs, talks and the beautiful silence after making love. Kaito blushed at the thought and even if he felt matured enough to control that kind of thing, he couldn't do it. "Damn hormones", he murmured, only to his ears, but the wider smile in Shinichi's face indicated he had also heard it. Kaito wondered if this was anything like what Shinichi had felt in his years as Conan. What a strange sensation knowing yourself older and still feeling so young. The enormous pain it caused, having certain necessities and not being able to satiate them, or having to walk away from your life, because the truth would be too hard for others, as it was already for you.

"Only _these _days," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders.

Shinichi understood, not pretending he didn't know what the other had meant.

Silence fell over them again, while they dedicated to observe each other. While Shinichi's changes weren't grave, Kaito looked the same, of course. But in reality, they both were much different from the teens they were in the past. Life had turned them apart, so far away from the other.

Warmth he had forgotten filled Kaito's chest and he couldn't stand Shinichi's gaze anymore. He turned around again, facing the clock, and followed the orders of his legs, which were still trembling, and let himself fall on his knees to the grass. He closed his eyes, shutting away every thought. He needed to stop thinking, about themselves, about their lives and how it all had ended up. What would have happened if he hadn't disappeared without leaving trace? What if he had stayed with Shinichi? Would he have survived if… No, no. It was late, too late. And now, he had to keep going, just like he had done up to now.

His line of thinking was interrupted as a hand was placed on his left shoulder and he felt the other falling to the grass next to him. Kaito opened his eyes and they both were facing the place they had seen each other last time.

"You don't have to stay here. I'm accustomed to be here by myself," Kaito murmured to Shinichi, not looking at him. "It's getting late and she might worry about you. Please, don't feel sorry for me. I'm fine, really."

"Kaito," interrupted Shinichi and it felt _oh so amazing_ to hear his name after so long and from his lips, "I want to stay here."

Kaito didn't argue. He shared the silence with his once both enemy and ally and enjoyed his company. And although he was surprised, he didn't say anything as a hand was placed on his a few minutes later.

The night was beautiful. The full moon shone high in the sky, a few stars decorating the blue firmament. Kaito didn't know how long they stayed like that, for him it could have been ages or mere seconds –he had lost long ago the ability to control the time. It certainly could have never been enough.

"I miss you. There's no day you don't cross my mind," Shinichi said, not taking his eyes from the scenery in front of them.

On the contrary, that was a complete surprise for Kaito, who gaped at that comment and was now looking at Shinichi, completely taken aback. It was true. He knew it. His stomach made a turn inside of him and he didn't know what to do. He kept staring at the right side of Shinichi's face, which was just a centimeters away from him. The magician couldn't believe he looked so calm and tranquil. His calm really disturbed him. It made him nervous how much he felt in place. He wanted to break that peacefulness, the same way Shinichi was the only capable of breaking his. He couldn't help what happened later. He couldn't avoid the plead that left his lips when he murmured _"Please" _into the other's ear. And Shinichi didn't want to make Kaito beg anymore. He looked at him, indigo eyes waiting expectantly for an answer, or maybe for him to leave him there, alone. But he didn't. He just took the _always_ young man by the back of his neck and approached their lips till they were almost touching so they could share a look, and then, he kissed him. He kissed him the way he had never kissed anyone but him, with the love and admiration he only had for Kaito. And this one responded in the same way, with the immense passion he had always had. They kissed, remembering all the moments they had gone through ten years ago together. And when the kiss finished, they both stood up without saying one more word, but having the knowledge that what they had felt and still did all those years ago had been true.

Later, both would wonder if their encounter had really happened or if they had imagined it all.

* * *

_So, yeah, it's a little angsty. Oh well, I promise to cheer you up soon. I have more shots around that will be uploaded as soon as my beta puts her hand on them. Thank you Benze-chan!_

_Hey, you took your time to read this up to here, why don't you leave a review now, ne?_

_Till next time._

_tanteigirl69_


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